(via petite-mortelle, pedalfar)
“I must have been twelve years old the first time I really felt ugly. Brown hair and spots and puppy fat my first boyfriend phoned me up and told me that he didn’t want to be with me because I was ugly and it broke me. I didn’t eat. I didn’t want to breathe. I wanted to be anything but ugly. I was twelve when I started destroying myself just to love myself I was twelve years old when I first realised I was ugly and it hasn’t left me. Facial asymmetry, dark circles, acne, fat stomach, fat thighs, fat arms. Laxatives or two fingers, whatever gets it out, a habit I still haven’t kicked to this day. I’m not allowed to know how much I weigh because it would make me feel ugly but I still see it in my reflection, anywhere, I know it’s there. I hate myself for eating and I hate myself for breathing all the time because I know that my body is all mine and I should love it but I can’t and you can call me beautiful over and over and over again but we all know I will not believe you in the end.”
— Ugly - Cydney Olwen